Unable
by PrincipalCellist
Summary: /I could only handle one thing at a time, and right now the ache in my heart was overpowering everything else. Even my own love for him./ Puzzleshipping. One shot. Takes place after the season 4 arc.


"Wait, Yugi! I love you!" He suddenly shouted at my back. The words echoed through the vast hallway, and I froze, my hand just inches above the handle of the door to my mind's room. He was shocked and glad to have it out, I guess, because he said it again, in a softer tone, relieved. I knew he was probably trying to smile through his tears. Probably raking a hand through his hair, trying to catch his tongue before anything else came out. Did he regret saying it, then?

Dammit. Why did he do this? He was wrong, and he _knew_ he was. I was a forgiving person, but this was just too much. I couldn't just _forgive_ him. I couldn't just face him and tell him everything was alright, because it wasn't. Not yet. Right now, it was too hard. I was so hurt by what he had done. I couldn't forgive him so easily. I knew he had hurt himself, too, and I knew he was sorry, but I couldn't get over that piece of me that wouldn't forgive him. Because I had told him not to do it, because I had warned him what would happen…and he did it anyway. It made me feel unwanted, unneeded. For the first time in my life, I really feel like I had been invisible.

"I don't…want to…" I shook my head. Those words weren't unexpected. I knew there was something between us that went beyond just our bond. I wasn't so stupid to not see it. But it wasn't the right moment for that. I could only handle one thing at a time, and right now the ache in my heart was overpowering everything else. Even my own love for him. "Yami, please don't - I can't…hear that…" I leaned forward so my forehead was against the door to my mind's room. I placed my hand on the handle, just so I could have something to hang on to. "I can't hear that kind of thing right now. I'm sorry. It's just too much. I-I can't..." A tear slipped past my control, and I gritted my teeth, hating that I was such a baby sometimes.

"I'm sorry." He sounded miserable. "I don't know why I said that." I turned my body a little so I could see his face. He had one hand over his mouth, like it would serve as a blockade against any other words from coming out of him. "You were walking away, and it just…slipped out before I could think and stop it." His dark, ruby eyes flitted up to me. "But I meant it."

"..." I heaved a sigh. "I can't just forget what you did. I don't even know if I can forgive you for it." My voice was hushed, and he turned his eyes down. "No…I can forgive you. Eventually. But not now. Maybe not even anytime soon."

"I wish I could take it back," He replied. "I wish I could go back and never let it happen." His shoulders were shaking again, and it hurt me to know how many tears he had shed for me – because Yami didn't cry. Not usually. It was amazing to know how important I really was to him.

I swallowed down that urge to go to him. To comfort him. To wrap him up in my arms and never let him go. I was too nice for my own good. It didn't matter how sorry he was, or how much we both wished he didn't do it. We couldn't go back in time. We couldn't change it. It would now always be there between us until I was ready to forgive him. It would still be there even after I forgive him, actually. Because it was so hard. Everything was torn and messy now. It was going to take time to piece ourselves back together.

I turned my head back to my door and I turned the handle, but suddenly he was behind me. His hand on my shoulder, trying to get me to stay. His body head traveled from him to me through that hand. I wanted to turn around and face him, but instead I stiffened.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness," he managed to say with amazing steadiness. "I don't deserve anything from you. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am. I'm sorry for doing the exact opposite of what you said. I'm sorry for betraying your trust. I'm sorry for taking so long to get you back. I'm just…so sorry, Yugi."

His hand slid from my shoulder, dejected, hopeless. I could feel his emotions stirring inside himself and tearing him apart, bit by bit. The mind link was wide open, and I couldn't tell which sadness was his and which was mine. There was a sigh - it shot from his lungs like a cannon ball, colliding with my back. I could still feel him. I could sense where his fingertips were on me. Their yearning. I could feel them wanting at my skin. Even with my back turned to him, I knew him well enough to know that his jaw was set. His breath was coming in short, agitated gasps through his nose, trying not to cry again.

"I'm sorry, Yami…" I whispered. "I just can't…not right now."

"I understand."

Just when I thought he or I might actually give in to the tension - like a river pounding at a dam, the gallons of water and tons of pressure building up on one another for an age - he simply turned and left. The cold, hard sound of his boots on the floor hit my eardrums like a gavel. I heard his mind's door shut softly from the other side of the hall. And I was alone.

But that was what I had wanted, wasn't it?

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><p><em>Reviews are deeply welcome.<em>


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